Confessions
by prettybaby
Summary: The hardest thing to do is confess
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Simple. Hermione loves Harry but he loves another. One shot. I got the idea from the song 'Rush of Blood to the Head' by Coldplay, even though the lyrics have nothing to do with the story. I'm thinking of following this story up with another short one, but I don't know. Review and tell me what you think.

He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down

I'm gonna put it six feet underground

He said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall

Stand her beside me baby in the crumbling walls

Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire

Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires

Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn

Do back the things it did to you in return

He said oh I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war

If you can tell me something worth fighting for

Oh and I'm gonna buy this place, that's what I said

Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

To most, the world is a beautiful place, full of perfect things that occur to them everyday. Odd yet sensational occurrences happen all the time, like falling in love, getting married, meeting new people, and graduating. Yes the world is beautiful to all, all except Hermione Granger that is. Sure, she sees the trees sway in the breeze and hears the birds chirp in the distance, and it makes her feel at ease for a moment or two, but for most of the time those small joys are overlooked and all she sees is the bad. And who could blame her? If you were in her shoes you wouldn't be thinking much about the birds and trees either. For Hermione there is nothing beautiful about the world and there is definitely nothing perfect about it either.

You see, Hermione has a great problem on her hands. She is in love with someone who does not return her feelings, worse, she is in love with her best friend. Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. And as of today he's also known as Harry Potter, The Hero; The Boy Who Defeated Lord Voldermort. It is on this very day that we find Hermione faced with a tough decision.

'Do I tell him?' She asked herself silently. She paced back and forth across an empty classroom. It was only four hours ago that Harry returned to Hogwarts after having been missing for three days. He had returned from his seventh, and last, battle with Lord Voldemort, which he had come out prosperous.

Hermione had ran to the Hospital Wing the minute she had learned he was back when Ron burst into the library, practically yelling the news. The two friends ran to meet the third, only to find him sleeping with the aid of a Dreamless Sleeping Potion. The slumbering boy was not alone either. For She was sitting diligently by his side, holding his hand in a delicate grip as tears made their way down her face. "I'm just so glad he's back," She had said when Ron asked why she was crying. She brushed a piece of fiery red hair out of her face as she returned her attention to Harry.

A million emotions played within Hermione at that time. Relief, anger, jealousy, and sadness were just a handful. She tore out of the Hospital Wing without saying a word. A moment later Ron caught up with her wide paces. When she had asked why he had left Harry's bedside he said that Madame Pomfrey had kicked him out.

"What about Ginny? Was she kicked out too?" she asked. Ron shook his head with a look of sympathy towards Hermione. Ron was the only one who knew of Hermione's secret, therefore he didn't have to ask why she had left so quickly. She shook her head in sad acceptance. Why would Ginny be thrown out of the Hospital Wing anyway? After all, they were 'in love' and no one had the heart to drag her away from Harry's side.

"Hermione," Ron said hesitantly, "not to be a conspirator against my sister or anything, but don't you think you should tell Harry how you feel about him? I mean he's half dead," Hermione looked at him shocked. "And although he will recover nicely," he added hastily, "what if he hadn't come back? What if we never saw him again and you never told him?"

Of course Hermione had thought about this, if she had made the right decision in keeping this secret for so long. The awful thought had crossed her mind more than once. 'What if Harry were not to return?' She always believed that time was on her side, that she need not be concerned with the possibly that she'd never receive a chance to tell him the truth. Hermione always believed that when the time came, she'd know, and it would be as easy to speak the truth as it was to answer a Transfiguration question.

Hermione asked Ron to leave her alone with her thoughts, which he complied to, being the good friend that he is. Now, with only her thoughts to keep her company, Hermione found herself pacing the empty classroom. Being the logical person she is, she began to formulate a list of Pros and Cons.

Sadly, the Cons outweighed the Pros greatly. On one hand, she could tell Harry that she was in love with him and he could suddenly realize that he too felt the same way. In Hermione's head, it would be the perfect fairytale. The knight in shining armor would save her from the high tower and they'd ride off into the sunset, blissfully happy. Hermione smiled to herself as she thought about her fantasy. On the other hand, however, numerous things could take a turn for the worse. Harry could reject her, stating that he wanted to be her friend and only that; and even after he would probably distance himself from her. Also, if Hermione spoke the truth, she would definitely be creating a rift between Harry and Ginny. The last thing Hermione wanted to do was create trouble. And to top it off, Hermione just didn't feel ready. When she should have been marching to the Hospital Wing to confess her secret, she felt the need to hide in her bed, lost in a sea of blankets. 'Where is that Gryffindor courage when you need it?' she asked herself.

Then Hermione scolded herself. Of course she would never feel ready. There was never a perfect time to say these certain things. And that was the moment she decides for certain that she would tell him. Without time to change her mind, she walked out of the old classroom and headed to the nearby Hospital Wing.

When she arrived it was a scene she had not expected. At first, the only thing she could hear was the great, gasping sobs of Ginny from behind the curtain. Hermione thought that maybe Harry had passed on in the short amount of time she had been away and at last the thought of never being able to tell him how she felt weighed down on her shoulders with a staggering force and she gasped for air. She clutched at her heart, for she could actually feel it ripping in two. That was…until she heard a low jovial laugh and realized that Ginny's sobs had been that of relief and happiness. Ginny came bounding from behind the curtain with a radiant smile plastered on her face.

"Isn't it wonderful Hermione?" she asked.

Hermione looked at her like she had grown another head. "What's wonderful?"

"Harry's awake!" Ginny jumped and wrapped her arms around Hermione. "It's simple marvelous! I'm just about to go and get some food for him in the kitchen. You'll sit with him won't you?"

How odd Hermione thought it was to receive permission to speak with Harry from the 'other woman'. But then Hermione had to remind herself that, in actuality, she herself was the other woman. She nodded her head numbly. Ginny lit the room with another smile and skipped to the door. When Ginny was no longer in sight, Hermione turned her eyes to the white curtain that hung around the bed that Harry currently occupied. She took one last deep breath and stepped around to the other side of the white barrier.

"Hermione!" Harry exclaimed once he caught sight of her. For a boy who had just escaped death for the seventh time he looked fairly well. His skin, although not the tan he had acquired before he left for battle, was a healthy color and his eyes shown with a liveliness Hermione had never seen in him before. She hoped to God that the new sparkle in his eyes was due to her presence. He sat up in bed with ease as he smiled at her.

"Hello Harry." She said his name as if it were the first time they had met on the train. It did indeed feel like she was meeting him all over again. Really, everyday felt as though she was meeting him for the first time, for he kept surprising her in only ways that a first encounter can surprise. She felt light-headed and a million winged butterflies found themselves fluttering in her stomach. She sat down in the empty chair next to his bed. "Hello," she said again with a smile.

"Isn't it great Hermione?" he sighed, "he's finally gone." For the first time in her long history of knowing Harry, she saw him completely relaxed and at ease. In all her studying, and do believe that she spent a great deal of time studying the raven-haired boy, she had never seen him so content.

He smiled up at her. "I have to tell you something," he said eagerly.

"Actually, I have to tell you something as well Harry," she said quickly, realizing her moment of opportunity.

"Oh, well, you go first," he offered.

Hermione opened her mouth to finally speak the words that had been pent up for so long, but when she did so the words caught in her throat. Instead she found herself saying. "No Harry, you go first."

"Well," he said, without missing a beat, "if you insist." Hermione had expected Harry to tell her his first-hand account on how he had defeated Lord Voldermort, or that he hadn't finished his four foot Potions essay before he had left, or even his undying love for her. Image her surprise when her practically shouted with joy, "Ginny and I are engaged!"

For a long moment all Hermione could do was stare. Stare and silently scream inside herself. This was not how her fairytale was supposed to end. Where was the white horse and the gleaming metal armor and the picture perfect sunset? Why the hell was Ginny riding off with her Prince Charming into her sunset?

"Hermione?" Harry asked in a concerned voice. Hermione's eyes glazed over with tears. Her heart was weeping but she placed a wavering smile upon her face.

"That's absolutely wonderful Harry," she said quietly as tears slipped down her face.

"Hermione, why are you crying?" Harry brushed away her tears and Hermione's sad smile widened.

"It's just that… you're so happy. I'm so glad that you're happy, it's the best thing in the world." Harry smiled and mistook her tears for those of happiness.

"Don't tell Ginny I told you, but I think she wants you to be Maid of Honor." Harry, thinking this news would cheer Hermione, laughed loudly. Hermione took in his appearance. He was absolutely bubbling over with joy.

"Won't that be lovely," she said as Harry took her hand.

"Hermione," he said seriously, "I just want you to know that I would have never made it this far without you. I love you, you're my sister. That means a lot to me, considering I have no real family." Hermione felt as if she couldn't breath. The words choked in her throat, begging to be let free.

"I love you too, Harry." She smiled at him with forced happiness and she gave his hand a slight squeeze. This would be the closest she'd ever come to telling him the truth.


	2. Missed Chances

Hey everyone! Here's the second part of this little story. I think I'm going to use this as a base for another separate and longer story, so tell me what you think. Thanks to all the reviewers who reviewed the last chapter.

Hermione watched the array of features pass across the girl's face from behind the white veil. One moment she would be beaming wide and full, like nothing in the world could ever go wrong ever again, and the next she was frowning, most likely in doubt. Emotions played across her face such as happiness, relief, disbelief, uncertainty, and fear. And who could blame the girl for the mix of giddiness and trepidation? After all, today was her wedding day. Yes, today was the day Ginny Weasley would get the one thing she always wanted; Harry Potter as her husband.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so nervous," Ginny whispered to herself, although loud enough for Hermione to hear.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Hermione said in a calming tone. It was, after all, he duty as Maid of Honor to keep the Bride relaxed.

Ginny watched as Hermione smoothed out her white sterile dress and their eyes met in the mirror Ginny was standing in front of. She smiled at the dark haired girl. "I'm so glad you're here Hermione, I don't know what I would have done without you." Hermione smiled at the redhead. Of course Hermione was here, on this very day, because she was dependable. She was, and would always, be there for her friends. Old steadfast Hermione, she thought bitterly to herself.

"You look very beautiful, Ginny," Hermione said with a forced smile. It seemed everything she'd been doing for the past six months had been forced. After Harry had told her he was engaged to Ginny that fateful day in the hospital wing she had lost the will to do anything. It was hard for her to wake up in the morning and find that they were still so in love, it was hard to watch them, and it was hard to talk with them. Hermione could barely bring herself to eat, sleep, breathe, live or take notes (and she had been lucky on that one - school had let out two weeks after the disastrous news).

"What if it's all wrong, Hermione?" the redhead voiced her doubts, "what if we're not meant for each other?"

"But you are meant for each other," Hermione corrected quickly. It was one of the many assurances she had programmed herself to say if such a question was voiced by one-half of the happy couple. Others included: You love each other very much; You two are a perfect match; I couldn't be happier…so on and so forth. Usually it only took one of these certain sentences to quite their doubts.

Ginny nodded her head in agreement, "I do love him very much, you know?"

Hermione stared at her blankly from the mirror, "Yeah, I know." At times like these it almost broke her heart to hear such words from Ginny, because then she felt extremely guilty for loving her fiancé. Hermione often had to remind herself that she had loved Harry first, only, when Harry opened his eyes to the world around him, he had seen Ginny first. In fact, Ginny was the only one Harry saw.

There was a knock at the door and Ron walked in. "Hey Gin, you look beautiful." He kissed his sister on the cheek as she thanked him. When they pulled apart Ron looked over at Hermione. "Erm, Harry wants to talk to you, Hermione." Ron was the only one who knew of Hermione's little secret, and although he tried to comfort her to the best of his abilities, it was rarely helpful.

"Thanks Ron. I'll be right back Ginny." She excused herself and walked out the door. She knocked on the door that was right across the hall from Ginny's and turned the knob when she heard a muffled voice telling her to enter. The first thing she saw was Harry sitting in a chair on the far side of the room. He looked a bit flustered but glad that it had been her who walked through the door. Hermione's stomach immediately twisted in a knot when he got up and walked towards her.

"Please help me," he said, "I can't trust Ron to do anything right." He pointed to the spot on his neck where a slightly crumpled bowtie lay limply around his neck. Hermione laughed lightly as she grabbed for the black piece of clothe, smoothed it out, and began to tie it in it's complicated form. Once she was done she smoothed it out and the jacket that lay across Harry's broad shoulders.

"There you are," she said with another forced smile.

"Thanks Hermione," he paused, "for everything."

She rolled her eyes. "Please Harry, I'm just the girl on the sidelines making sure everything goes according to plan."

"Yes it all has to be planned with you, doesn't it?" he asked a bit bitterly.

"Excuse me?" Hermione didn't know why Harry had just turned his back to her or spoken to her so rudely.

After a few moments Harry faced her again with a smile on his handsome face, "Sorry Hermione, I guess I'm just a bit scared."

"There's no reason for you to be scared, Harry," she reassured him, "you're getting everything you ever wanted. Some people aren't as lucky as you." She silently took pity on herself, for she was one of the many who would never experience pure happiness.

"I know people aren't as lucky when it comes to matters of love. What I'm saying is that…what if I really am one of those people, and I just don't know it? And now I'm making a huge mistake which will only make me more unhappy!" He turned his back to her again and crossed his arms.

"What exactly are you saying Harry?"

There was long pause before Harry answered. "What if I'm not meant to be with Ginny? What if I'm meant to be with someone else and I don't know it yet? Or I haven't met her yet?" He looked to her, confused and distressed. "You always had the right answers, Hermione. Please tell me something to make this nagging feeling go away."

Hermione quickly recognized this as her moment of opportunity. The moment that was made for her to jump in Harry's arms and profess her love for him. This was the moment that belonged to Hermione entirely. And sadly she watched as that moment slipped through her fingers, for when she looked at Harry she realized that he really wanted an answer that would make everything okay.

"Contrary to popular belief, Harry," she laughed slightly, "I do not have all the answers. I'm not here to tell you how things are or how to live your life. I'm just your friend. I've never been minutes away from an alter, so I really wouldn't know what to tell you about this certain situation. All I can tell you is what I see. What I see and what I know, is that you and Ginny love each other very much. There really couldn't be anyone more perfect for you than she." Except me, she added silently.

Harry looked at her with a blank expression. "Is that all you can tell me?" he asked, with, what Hermione thought to be, a hint of expectation in his voice.

"That's all that needs to be said," she declared softly. He nodded his head and turned towards his own mirror.

"Thanks Hermione, you really did a great job on this tie." He brushed imaginary dust from his shoulders and turned to her. "I guess it's about time I got out there." As if on cue, Ron came through the door. "Ready Ron?"

Ron didn't expect such a question the minute he walked though the door, so he was slightly taken back. "Err…" he looked to Hermione for an answer and she nodded her head, "yeah."

Harry grabbed Ron by the arm and together they walked out of the dressing room. Ron passed her one more questioning look before he disappeared around the corner, leaving Hermione alone in the room.

Hermione watched sadly as Ginny walked down the isle, smiling happily in her pale gown. She did look rather beautiful with her fiery hair contrasting greatly with her innocent attire. Mr. Weasley kissed her on the cheek once they got to the alter and shook Harry's hand firmly. Hermione watched in dismay as Harry took his bride by the hand as the minister began to preach.

She was not unaware to the sympathetic glances Ron was sending her way from the other side of Harry, but she tried her best to avoid him. If she saw the message relayed in his eyes she was sure to break down. If she looked up she would see that he was trying to plea with her, as if say, "You love him. Do something!" But she couldn't do anything. Not with the bride standing right next to her.

"If anyone should have any objections to the union, speak now, or forever hold your peace." The priest's voice echoed throughout the cathedral and Hermione looked up for the first time throughout the whole sermon. This is it, she told herself, this would be the last chance to say anything. She could feels the words bubbling up into the back of her throat. She opened and closed her jaw several times. She could feel the words choking the life out of her. Hermione saw Ron in the background nudging his head slightly to the side, pleading her to speak the truth, Harry's eyes met hers. They were alive and sparkling a vivid green. Hermione pressed her lips together in a thin line and the priest continued.

Another missed chance, she thought gloomily to herself. That's all that life seems to be made of, she added. Hermione then thought back to the very first time she had seen Harry on the train. She thought of how many mistakes and missed chances she'd come to make from that time to the present. She wondered when her life had stopped being a life and had turned into a string of continuous chain of bad choices.

"I now pronounce you man and wife!" proclaimed the old withered man. "You may kiss the bride." And as Harry leaned in to pull away Ginny's white veil and kiss her tenderly on the lips, Hermione saw her own fate sealed. She knew that she would never love another man as she loved Harry. Hermione saw her own Prince Charming ride off on a white horse into the sunset, only another princess was riding with him while Hermione sat up in a high tower, watching them disappear into the horizon. And as Harry placed one chaste kiss on Ginny, Hermione let one lonely tear fall.

"You're so utterly, completely stupid!" Ron whispered fiercely into Hermione's ear as they both swayed gently to the music. The wedding had ended an hour ago and since then the whole congregation had moved to the reception hall. "Why didn't you tell him? Your last chance was in the dressing room, or at least when the priest asked, and you didn't do anything!" He shook his head. "I knew I should have spoken for you. Just come forward when the priest asked and said, 'Yes because Hermione Granger loves Harry Potter and they belong together.' Why didn't I? I'm so stupid!"

"Ron, please stop babbling." Ron snapped his mouth shut. "I know that I should have told him," Hermione confessed, "but it wasn't something he would have wanted to hear."

"How could you have known that?" Ron exploded loud enough for the dancing couples close enough to turn and glare. He lowered his voice, "What if what you had to say was exactly what Harry wanted to hear and you let him down?"

Hermione turned them around on the dance floor so they could have a clear look at the newly weds. "Look at him Ron. Look at them. They're so in love! When you're that in love with someone you don't want to hear that your best friend is in love with you!" Ron laughed.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Hermione laughed with him.

"And you know, sure it hurts that he's not with me but he's happy, and that's all that matters to me."

"You, Hermione Granger, are either very compassionate and giving or mad and in need of a good stay at St. Mungo's." They both giggled recklessly. "Either way you're my best friend, my sister, and from now on I'll take care of you."

"Thanks Ron, it's good to know that someone will be there for me."

"Just imagine how much fun we'll have growing up! We can party all night and, as the muggles say, paint the town red. And when we get older and we haven't found anyone to marry we can just marry each other without commitment and still have fun, and that way people won't give us those looks."

"What looks?" Hermione giggled.

"You know, those looks, the 'Oh, you're not married yet, poor thing,' looks." Hermione laughed loud enough for people to turn their heads. "And then," Ron continued, "when we are married we'll get those other looks. The look that asks, 'How can they be so happy and carefree yet married at the same time?' But you see they won't know that we're just two friend that are married to avoid those looks!"

Hermione laughed. "You are a genius, Ronald Weasley."

"I'm so glad you finally see that, Hermione. To think, all those years at Hogwarts, and you doubted my intelligence."

Hermione continued to laugh, "And what happens if you do find someone you want to marry?"

"Well, you can come live with us. You'll always have a place with me."

"Thanks Ron, you truly are my best friend."

"Yes I know," he said smugly. Hermione took one last look at Harry dancing closely to the new Mrs. Potter before Ron spun her around fast and dipped her until she thought she'd hit the ground. Her laughter echoed throughout the hall and some people turned to witness the girl in one of her happiest moments.


End file.
